Well, my little Renegade baby, you’ve just turned two.
Where the hell has time gone? I feel like it was just last week that I was thinking up names for you and picking out what colours you’d wear. Imagining how you’d look and how you would sound. Like it was just yesterday that you finally arrived into the world and changed my life for the better.
I don’t know if you know it, my dearest Renegade baby, but my life was turned upside down when I decided to have you. It seemed a bit crazy at first, truthfully. Living overseas, I quit my job to devote all of my time to watch you develop, investing most of my savings so that you’d live up to your full potential. It was the first time I was venturing into the world on my own, dedicating my days to supporting you and nurturing you and helping you grow. I was scared and nervous and excited all at once.
And although we’ve had loads of fun along the way, my dear, it wasn’t always easy. After the initial excitement of our new relationship wore off and the ‘congratulations’ slowed down, it was just you and me against the world. You wouldn’t survive unless I looked after you, tirelessly, endlessly. My identity became rooted in you. I was no longer Lauren, but ‘that Renegade girl’. And I resented you sometimes. I doubted my decision to have you, wondering if I should just give you up and go back to how things used to be. In our first year together, I burnt out and fell out of sync with you a few times, losing my way because of peer influence and what I thought was the best for us. And I’m sorry about that.
But eventually, we found our way. We fell in line. As the Spice Girls so profoundly sang, two became one. And I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, my sweetest little Renegade, but you’ve done so much more for me than you could ever imagine. I’ve learned more about myself in the past two years than I have in the first 10 years of my career.
You’ve been therapeutic, a creative outlet for me to express my thoughts, emotions and opinions. You made me fall in love with writing again and even find new love in photography, two things that bring me endless happiness.
You helped me to find my voice and encouraged me to stand for something. Showed me that it’s better to be yourself and struggle than be someone else and succeed. You taught me that my unique voice and vision are my greatest assets and that as long as I don’t lose sight of those, I’ll be fine.
You gave me a new purpose and taught me the value of self-love. Showed me that being relatable is more meaningful than being aspirational, and that community wins over competition every time.
But more than anything, more than the wisdom and the guidance and the late nights spent typing away at my desk in dim light, you brought out the best in me. And for that, I am forever grateful.
So, my little Renegade darling, happy birthday. Whaddya say – how about we pour a glass of wine and see where another year takes us, yeah?
– Lauren xo